Friday, February 17, 2017

Post Valentine Blog Entry


My parents are the best examples of "opposites attract".
Married 42 years and counting and they've managed not to kill each other. That's true love right there! 😝
But all joking aside...
My parents have been the best example of what real love should be.
You don't need to think alike. You don't always have to agree with what the other person is saying. You don't have to pretend to like something the other does. You will argue. You will raise your voice towards each other. You won't talk to each other for a period of time.
But at the end of the day, they make it work. At the end of the day, they would sleep in one room and in each other's arms. At the end of the day, they keep the vows that they said in front of God and in front of each other. At the end of the day, there is respect for each other. At the end of the day, whatever differences they have, whatever misunderstandings, they come together as a unit. At the end of the day, they are one.
It's not about hearts and flowers. It's not about the big gestures. My parents show their love for each other on the smallest of things and they make it count.
Mama would make sure that papa's rice intake would not be too much. She would always make sure that his meds are complete for the week. She reminds him of his sugar intake. She saw to it they his needs were met for the day. She would make his favorite ulam, just because.
Papa would bring out his tools and create things for mama's convenience: The flower pot stands, the metal barrier on our garden for the dogs, the tables for the dirty kitchen. He may tease and kid around but he would listen to her and sees to it that he doesn't over do sugar intake especially when she's not there to remind him. He would reach out to her hand when they're at the mall so they won't get separated in the crowd. He would feel a bit glum when mama's not in the room and his face would light up when she comes in.
Valentine's Day for them is an ordinary day. Why? They don't need it. They don't need a special day to celebrate, because they celebrate their love for each other everyday. The smallest of gestures, the simple touch, the appreciation that they have for each other everyday.
My parents taught me, love is not about the hearts and flowers. That's just the bonus. Love is something that you have to work for everyday. Love is a struggle and a reward. It's contradicting yet complimentary. Love is having to see the flaws but still find it beautiful. It's working out the difficulties but then finding strength from each other. Love doesn't stop when you say "I do" but will continue on until "death do us part". Love is sleeping disgruntled but waking up smiling as you find yourselves tangled in each other's arms.
To everyone in love out there, Happy Valentine's Day. I wish you the same love that I see everyday in my parents, 42 years and counting.

Note: This entry was already posted on my facebook account. I just really wanted to post it here on my blog again for easy archiving.

Sunday, January 29, 2017

Depression

Recently I have been suffering from depression.  It's not something that just popped into my life but has gradually been inching it's way into my psyche that eventually won over.

People would wonder why I have depression. I have a loving family and a group of friends who are always there for me.  But I recently realize that having that type of support group doesn't stop you from getting depressed.  They help with the suppressing but the depression would still seep in, getting into you system like a deadly virus.  And that's what it is. A virus.

I can't recall when it started.  All I could remember is that, recently I have been feeling a deep sense of loneliness and abandonment, even though I am surrounded by people and interacting with them.  But it's there, slowly crawling into your system and clutching on tightly, never wanting to let go. And unfortunately, it stayed and took up residency.

I think I've had it before.  I just have an outlet that helped me in coping with it on a daily basis.  But recently, the coping mechanism isn't there so I find myself during idle moments, thinking and worrying until finally, morbid thoughts would come in and would haunt my mind and heart.  There would be no escaping that until I could find an outlet to let the negativity out.  It was easy before, delving on work and doing my job as best I could but since my recent unemployment, it just got hard to cope.  And I find myself in these idle moments that swallows me up and I find myself suffocating.

Depression isn't easy.  And a lot people don't understand what we're going through.  So many who doesn't would just look at us and say that we're just being overly dramatic or needed attention.  But it's not.  The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of losing your self worth, the feeling of abandonment will always be there, eating you up inside and it would cling to you like a vise.

I cope with depression everyday.  I just do my best to find something to smile about.  Trying to see the bright side of things isn't easy but we do our best. We want to see the bright side, we want to be part of the sunshine.  But we do need help.

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

And The Argument Continues...

This was actually during that time when I was writing the bike scene for my WattPad story "My Heart is Yours". So this was what happened between me and my Muse that night...


I was happily typing out the chapter about the bike ride when suddenly, the scene changes in my mind. I was taken aback, the scene in my head right now is two chapters in the future...

"What the?" I said and looked around to find my muse smiling at me.

"That scene is nice right?" She mused. "It would be the perfect ending for your book one before the fast forward scenes on the next arc!"

I let out a huge sigh and looked at her, "that's all well and good Muse but I need to finish the bike ride scene and the scene after that. I can't use this. Not yet."

"But it's a good scene!"

"It is!" I exclaimed. "But we can't go there yet without the bike ride scene!"

"But it's fluffy."

"I need the fluff," I said in an exasperated tone. "Especially with that scene you just showed me. Fluff is important too."

"How important?" She asked, her arms crossed on her chest and raised her eyebrows in question.

"Important enough to tell you that there's a jar of Maltesers in the crisper with your name on it."

She cautiously looked at me and inched her way to the personal ref in my room.

"You have a ref magnet of Alden Richards?" My Muse inquired looking curiously at the bedimpled boy stuck on my ref.

"It was part of the package when I bought his album," I shrugged. "It also comes with a signed post card, see?"

I pointed on the cork board on the wall that I'm facing. She took the jar of Maltesers from my ref and walked the small distance towards me, checking out the post card. While chewing on the chocolates and staring at the post card some more she gave a contented sigh. If it was for the chocolates of the pictures, I was not sure. But she tapped me on the shoulder and the DVD player in my heard started again, with the bike scene that I so desperately want to finish.

"Thank you," I said as I started typing again.

"You're lucky the Maltesers are good."

I smiled inspite of myself.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

The Naming Game

(Credits to: Order of the Stick for the image http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots1030.html)

One of the best yet the funniest moments while playing Table Top RPG is what my friends and I call "The Naming Game".  We've played a bunch of RPG systems from DND type, GURPS and of course, our favorite the White Wolf and all of them gives us the freedom to name people, places, weapons, things, fighting style, etc. There are those moments when it was easy to name something as it would be pretty obvious.  Other times, it's really hard, there were moment of discussion that sometimes becomes a heated debate followed by voting on the best name.

We've enjoyed "The Name Game" so much that it was our go-to side game whenever the campaign is taking too long for an episode to finish, or a debate on an action that has both GM and player reach a stalemate.

My favorite Name Game moment was that time we've actually called a place "The Plateau of Sunken Meat". It was a location that my GM have so vividly described for us.  The place was so full of fictional history and culture with dazzling stories of battles in the location, a story of love found and lost, a poetry of nature and man in perfect harmony.  He narrated it with such detail and clarity, all of us would just close our eyes and we could see the place as if it was really there.  But when we asked what the name of the place was, he just stared at us blankly and said that he didn't think of a name for the place yet.

It was the biggest mistake on our GM's part of not naming the place.  The un-named location was the placed in our Name Game pool and already discussions were being done.  Name suggestions were voiced out by the members and the debate started, putting our main campaign aside so that we can have a go at naming the sacred place our GM described.

The discussion lasted until there were only two names: The Land of the Moss and The Plateau of Sunken Meat.  I really forgot how the two-name givers gave their spiel on why their name should be chosen. But I remember thinking that "The Land of The Moss" was so similar to "The Land of the Lost" that I personally voted for "The Plateau of Sunken Meat" mainly because it sounded unique.

For whatever reason. Maybe it was also the same reason for the others, we've voted for the Plateau and the name won and stuck and still after so many years of playing the same campaign, we still go back to that majestic location of epic battles and deep seated lore with the funny name. 

Friday, December 02, 2016

The Conversation Continues...

This happened sometime in September. Again, I was trying to continue with my Fanfic "My Heart Is Yours". I think I was again writing a particular scene when all of a sudden, the DVD player in my mind changed scenes, giving me something that I would be using in future chapters...It was very late at night so I was tired but my mind was still awake with the story...

Here's how the conversation went...

"I don't need that yet!"

"But it's a good scene to put in!" My muse argued.

"I didn't say it wasn't a good scene," I explained. "But it's a good flashback scene. One I will be able to use in the next couple of chapters. But what I need right now is a bridge so that I can combine the future chapters to this one."

My Muse huffed sending her bangs flying off a bit before resting once again on her forehead. Brows furrowed, eyes half-closed in slits, she came near me and leaned her face very close to mine that our nose were almost touching.

"You're not making this easy on me," she stated.

"We've been through worse," I replied.

"Would you like to change stories for a bit?" She suddenly said with her eyes twinkling as an idea formed in her head. "I have this great scene for LMX!"

"Seriously?!?" I exclaimed exasperated. "We've shelved LMX since 2009! Now you want me to unshelf it? We still have Voltron to finish, mind you. That's been two years in the making! Not to mention Jake Madison which has been shelved far longer than LMX! And don't forget the two Ragnarok stories that we haven't finished as well."

"Okay," she answered trying to appease me. "What about a one shot? You've been wondering how DJ Bae met DJ Mae right?"

"Can't we focus on 'My Heart Is Yours'?" I looked at her with pleading eyes. Yup, the vacation did gave her new ideas...but she clearly needed to focus on one project at a time or I won't be finished with any of my stories.

She sighed and sat next to me. She extended her arms and gave me a tight hug that gave me a bit of comfort. She knows I complain a lot but she never did leave me. Of that I was really grateful for.

"Focus," she just said.

"Yup," I replied. "Focus."

"I'll try."

"Try not," I remarked. "Do or do not. There is no try."

She giggled and replied, "Yes, Master Yoda."

"Come on," I said. "Let's get to work."

"You need to get some sleep first."