Friday, December 02, 2016

The Conversation Continues...

This happened sometime in September. Again, I was trying to continue with my Fanfic "My Heart Is Yours". I think I was again writing a particular scene when all of a sudden, the DVD player in my mind changed scenes, giving me something that I would be using in future chapters...It was very late at night so I was tired but my mind was still awake with the story...

Here's how the conversation went...

"I don't need that yet!"

"But it's a good scene to put in!" My muse argued.

"I didn't say it wasn't a good scene," I explained. "But it's a good flashback scene. One I will be able to use in the next couple of chapters. But what I need right now is a bridge so that I can combine the future chapters to this one."

My Muse huffed sending her bangs flying off a bit before resting once again on her forehead. Brows furrowed, eyes half-closed in slits, she came near me and leaned her face very close to mine that our nose were almost touching.

"You're not making this easy on me," she stated.

"We've been through worse," I replied.

"Would you like to change stories for a bit?" She suddenly said with her eyes twinkling as an idea formed in her head. "I have this great scene for LMX!"

"Seriously?!?" I exclaimed exasperated. "We've shelved LMX since 2009! Now you want me to unshelf it? We still have Voltron to finish, mind you. That's been two years in the making! Not to mention Jake Madison which has been shelved far longer than LMX! And don't forget the two Ragnarok stories that we haven't finished as well."

"Okay," she answered trying to appease me. "What about a one shot? You've been wondering how DJ Bae met DJ Mae right?"

"Can't we focus on 'My Heart Is Yours'?" I looked at her with pleading eyes. Yup, the vacation did gave her new ideas...but she clearly needed to focus on one project at a time or I won't be finished with any of my stories.

She sighed and sat next to me. She extended her arms and gave me a tight hug that gave me a bit of comfort. She knows I complain a lot but she never did leave me. Of that I was really grateful for.

"Focus," she just said.

"Yup," I replied. "Focus."

"I'll try."

"Try not," I remarked. "Do or do not. There is no try."

She giggled and replied, "Yes, Master Yoda."

"Come on," I said. "Let's get to work."

"You need to get some sleep first."

Friday, November 25, 2016

Conversation With My Muse

Whenever I write, inspiration usually hit me in odd moments.  Sometimes, it's the commute going to work or going home.  Sometimes, it's a first thought when I wake up in the moment.  Other times, the ideas would pop in my head when I'm about to fall asleep.  Ideas come and go.  Stories are being played in what I call the "DVD player in my mind".  And I credit it all to my Muse.

I just call her that, my Muse.  She doesn't have a name and her face keeps changing every so often that it's getting a little confusing. But like the Greek goddesses of old, she would be in a white toga-like dress draped fashionably around her body.  She would pop in my room unannounced and would urge me to write this story that she placed in my head.  Most of the time I do, but there are those moments when she would be too excited with the story that we're writing and she would jump scenes. This was one of those moments.

It happened back in September...

"We're not there yet," I said to her with exasperation in my voice.

"But it's the good part!" She answered, insisting that I write the scene down.

"But we've barely written the getting-to-know-each-other part!" I replied. "And now you want me to write a part where they've established a deep friendship?"

"But the getting-to-know-each-other part is boring!"

"It's essential!

"It's still boring!"

I let out a huge sigh and ran my fingers through my hair.

"Dear Muse," I tried to explain again. "I need to establish a deep connection. Without that deep connection, your scene will be useless. I need that connection. That connection is important. So come on! Work with me here!"

She gave a huff and walked about the room with her arms crossed. Three paces forward, three paces back. Yup my room is that small but she managed to let out steam in the cramped space that we share.

Finally she stopped and faced me.

"Fine!" She said. "Let me think about it first. I'll find a way to make your so-called 'deep connection' less boring."

I could only smile as she disappeared. Another small victory I won against my Muse.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

This Never Gets Old...

Ahh...The good ol' days of Table Top RPG.

Since my gaming group have scattered around the globe, we usually try to schedule a campaign when everyone is more or less awake and available to play.  It usually rarely happens nowadays with life getting in the way of things, but those few precious moments when all of us are together on Group Video Call on Skype it's always a riot.

Kinda like this incident:

While we were on a mission and currently OOC (Out of Character) I was clearing things up with my GM. 

"My Acute Sensory Prana is always activated," I explained. "I have a -1 on my permanent essence for it. You approved of it since day one!"

Clearly we have been on this campaign for years now that my GM forgets these small details of character builds.

"Fine!" He exclaimed and continued on with the campaign. "You were already in the clearing but you looked back because your senses picked up movement behind you. You looked back and beyond the woods, you saw a silhouette of a man."

"A silhouette?" I inquired, one eyebrow raised in question.

"Of a man?" Added my friend who was listening in the conversation.

"Tell me GM," asked another. "How big is this man that Wolf saw in the woods."

"Since he's farther out," explained the GM clearly oblivious to where this was heading. "So she sees a somewhat small man."

"So," I said. "I see a little silhouette of a man..."

"Yeeessss?" Our GM answered a little bit apprehensive.

I suddenly burst into song that was followed by the others: "I see a little silhouette of a man!"

"Scatta moushe...scatta moushe...would you do the pandango!"

"Thunder bolt and lightning! Very very frightening please!"

"Galileo!"

"Galileo!"

"Galileo!"

"Galileo Figaro!"

"MAGNIFICO!!!"

Honestly, this wasn't the first time that he fell for that. But he always, always, always fell for it and it was hilarious each and every time!

Miss these guys. Oh well...until next campaign session.

Monday, October 31, 2016

20 Years and Counting

Dear Jase,

Well, I think it's only apt that I would be reviving my blog with a letter for you.  It has been roughly two years since I've last posted something here and I guess it's time I try to revive it.

So here we are right now. Carl and I are by your grave cleaning it up so your siblings would find it clean and fix when they visit you. You're lucky that you were buried under a tree or else Carl and I wouldn't be able to stay long.  The heat is still unbearable and it's close to Christmas already. I hope that come Christmas, it would be a bit colder. Although it gets a bit chilly at night but not as cold as it once was. Carl said that it's not as cold in New York either but winter is coming.

So pleasantries aside, let's go to the nitty gritty.

20 years...20 years since you've said your goodbye. 20 years of trying to move passed the loneliness, the fear, the regrets and the sorrow. 20 years of learning. 20 years of change. 20 years. 20 long years and here are Carl and I, doing this every year for passed 20 years. Missing you.

It's not easy losing the "third musketeer". Athos and Aramis is nothing without Portos after all. But we thrived. We survived and kept on surviving. Some parts of our lives, we've moved on from.  Carl had experience marriage, kids and divorce. He's living as a single dad (you know how good a lawyer uncle Charles is that Carl won the custody battle for his kids), now trying to raise two teenagers...how time flies. Michael is already 18 and has plans to move out already. Carl was a bit teary eyed when he  mentioned that to me. He's feeling a bit of separation anxiety already. But he says he's fine.

As for me, well...it's still just me. After two relationships, almost got married once but he ended up not wanting me, the one still hasn't found me. I've stopped hoping already actually. Maybe there really isn't anyone for me out there. Carl joked that I might be looking at the wrong group. He was whacked in the head really hard for that remark though.

Carl told me not to mention his life here anymore since he claims that it's pretty  much the same thing after college.  He worked, took care of his kids, he worked. Rinse. Repeat.

Me? Well, it was one job after another. It got pretty tiring at some point. Couldn't last in a company for more than two years because of health reasons.  Yup, it's still there. The stress level when I was working really took it's toll on me that really, two years is all I could usually manage in a company. Now I'm trying to open up a business ("trying" being the operative word) and it's not easy. I'm currently wondering how much stress I'm going to work my way up this time. Carl said I shouldn't think about it because if I think about it more, it would sure happen and I would just one day find myself in the hospital.

I miss the both of you, actually.  Carl and I don't really get to communicate often anymore. This yearly visit to you is like a reunion for the two of us actually.  This is actually the only real time we get to talk and hang out. Work and kids keep him busy and the time difference between us is like 12 hours that I would be asleep while he's taking lunch. And as for me, well, I'm currently lost in oblivion.  I do still write though. It's one of the things that I haven't stopped doing all these years but it varied.  I also started baking and so far I can make a mean egg pie and chocolate chip cookies. You would have loved it.

There is one change in my life that would be noticeable and Carl found it refreshing. I've met these great ladies that I now usually hang out with.We met because of a fansclub that I've joined in (and I see Carl snickering in the background as I type this) and so far, they're really great. Remember when I was having a hard time befriending girls when we were younger because I don't find anything similar with them that's it was really hard to bond with them? We'll these girls are different.  Aside from our love for this lovely couple we're going gaga over, I find that I can also talk to them about other topics and interest. We all share a love for food and baking. One girl (Lulu) has more or less the same musical interest as me which is truly refreshing. Apz also likes to bake but she's more of the non-bake goods. She is always game, ready to help out when we need her. She's fun to be around. Raqz writes too. She's the only one who got me to read Tagalog stories as she writes very well. Sweet is like Apz, always game and always there when you need her. And then there's Anne. She doesn't usually join us when we go out because she's busy with family life but when she does, it's always a riot. There's never a dull moment when she's there.

These girls helped me a lot especially during the time that I really needed a friend. I don't blame you or Carl for not being there for me because how can you? But I'm just glad that these girls are there. Real friends. Not like the ones in the past where they only befriend me so they can get close to the two of you. For a short period of time, I can call them my "sisters". They help ease the pain. They help me move on.

Carl said that he doesn't have the same group of friends that I have right now but when he was new to the divorce and raising his kids, he also found this group that helped him out in New York. He said they meet occasionally but not as often as I have with my friends.

So, I guess that's that. Carl said that this letter is very therapeutic for the both of us. So feel free to laugh, cry and then laugh some more when you read this.

We still miss you Jase, we always do.  I still can't listen to King and Queen of Hearts and Got to Believe in Magic without tearing up. The tears don't fall anymore but those songs still make me remember you. Carl said he tears up when he sees someone playing the piano. You were so good at playing that whenever Carl finds someone playing the piano anywhere, it reminds him of you.

We hope you're enjoying yourself up there. We hope that you've also made new friends. Heck, Carl hopes that you've rekindled your relationship with his sister and said that you should take care of her.

I am reminded of what Mad Hatter said to Alice in the movie "Alice Through The Looking Glass":
"My Dear Alice. In the gardens of memory, in the palace of dreams. That is where you and I will meet."

At the moment, all Carl and I could do is just close our eyes and imagine you're here with us. That we're complete once more and doing our usual antics. Until that time when we'll finally see each other again.

We really miss you Jase and we'll see you soon...although not too soon. We hope you understand. :P

Miss you lots,

Carl and Mikey

Friday, October 17, 2014

Farewell, Doña Anita

Last night, I got a call from my mom informing me that our grandmother (my dad's mom) has passed away.  She was 101 years old.

I wouldn't be a hypocrite and say that I was very close to my grandmother.  As growing up I only see her on occasion whenever she visits us or when we visit her in the province.  But she was a nice lady.  She loves her grand children and great grand children dearly, and she shows it by showing us with food, drinks and never complain whenever we were rowdy and loud.  She would just smile and laugh at our antics.

Vacations were always great because she never forgets stocking her ref with softdrinks.  Her ref would be full of Coke, Sprite or Royal with a bottle opener tied next to the ref and straws just at arms reach from each other.  She would not complain if we just come barging in and just get as many as we wanted.  How we never get diabetes whenever we're there is a great mystery to me.  But it shows how generous the woman was and how she opens her arms to everyone who needs it.

Even in her last moments her mind was still alert.  Even when she was 100years old she still knows us by name.  She would smile and great us and ask us how we are.

I was never close to my grandmother.  But she was a great woman.  And I will remember her as the devoted wife, loving mother, doting grandmother/great grandmother.

Vacation in Negros will never be the same as entering her soon-to-be empty house would just bring back bitter sweet memories of childhood.

Lola Nita...we will miss you!  Say hi to Lolo Desto for me when you see him again.