Another Disappointment

After that interview with E-Telecare, I moved on. Honest...I did.

I was actually planning on getting myself enroled in a language course. It's either German or Japanese I'm still debating which one. Finn is another language but I honestly couldn't find a school that teaches Finn. So I guess that's out of the question.

The sad thing though, I couldn't afford it. Classes will start this coming week and I couldn't even pay for the initial payment of P4,000.00. Hence, resorting to asking my parents about it. But they wouldn't give it to me. I made a mistake in not trying to convince them too much. My mom told me to just hold on to the idea for a moment and just focus on getting the 18 education units I badly needed to teach. I made a mistake on not telling them that by the time that school starts for me to get the badly needed 18 education units, I would be through with the begginers course.

It has been one depression after another. I had always thought that when I am at my lowest, there is nowhere to go but up. BIG MISTAKE! Somewhere down there, there is still a space where you can go down even farther...and I just took another step down on it.

This morning I was in a verge of tears. I really wanted to cry already. But I opted not to and instead indulge myself with 2 huge cotton candy and a small piece of Cadburry chocolate...not to mention the Mango Ice that Kate and I shared.

That's what I do when I'm depressed, eat to my heart's content. Though I still keep wondering why even if I have eaten so much (I ate the cotton candy right after my heavy lunch of Sukiyakidon and California Maki), I still haven't gain weight. Funny thing is, I really doubt that sitting at the foodcourt for 5hours would burn any fat. I'm still so light, my friend Kristine said that I weigh as much as the bag she carries to school. That would have been a complement to some people but it was really insulting to me. No offense to Kristine since I know she meant well but I'm not anorexic and I'm not bulimic (sorry for the wrong spelling) but I still haven't gain weight since gradeschool. I eat a lot. I eat more than my girl friends. I can eat as much as the next guy in my circle of friends but still if there is a strong wind, I'll probably fly (though flying is not a bad thing at the moment).

But this is the depression talking and I'm veering out of my topic. The point that I'm making is that it really hurts. I don't know why but I thought that getting that language class would help me out of this depression. It turns out that it would make me more depressed that I was before. I wanted so much to learn a new language. I've already fixed my schedule in my mind on how I would actually have the time to take it. But yet again, disappointment. I couldn't even blame my parents. We're in a tight situation at the moment when it comes to money I was already half expecting them to say no but the reason just shocked me. It wasn't the reason that I was expecting from my mom. I guess because of that I couldn't get my argument through.

I have to get myself out of this depression. I really need to see a bright light beyond this dark tunnel (And I don't mean a train).

But I'm still determined to take that class whether or not I get my parents' help. The problem now is HOW.