Knowing Who Your Real Friends Are...

First, I would like to apologize for not writing last Saturday to Monday. Our computer at home died and I had no means of going online except wait for the day that I would go back to this office and do the things that I need to do on the net.

Anyway, to the topic at hand...

Last Saturday, I had finally released all the pent up sorrow, stress and anxiety. All it took was another Saturday of not playing RPG. =) You see, playing table-top gaming is the only way I release my emotions...well that and drums. But I was actually touched by what my friends did. I was planning to leave early since I know that I wouldn't be doing anything but watch them play so I just told them that I'll just go home. While explaining to Jay

the reason why I would just go home that day, I suddenly burst into tears. What really touched my heart was that they didn't judge my actions. They didn't think that it was really childish of me to suddenly burst into tears (which I know that it was) all because I wouldn't be able to play. Instead, they sought out the real reason why I suddenly cried. They were there for me to give me comfort even though they know that what they are telling me won't reach me as soon as they wanted to be. They were very understanding and respected my feelings. They did everything they can to make me feel better. And because of them, I still had a good time despite my first outburst. I was really greatful that I have friends like Jay and Kate. I am lucky to have friends like them.

In contrast to what happend to me last Saturday, Sunday was something different entirely...

The coup d'etat in Makati made me work at home that Sunday. But before I actually worked at home, I went to the office because I thought that last night was already over. After seeing a tank parked in Edsa and in Ayala Avenue, newscrew from different channels were pointing their cameras at the rooftop of Glorietta, police and military were starting to make a perimeter reaching my office building, and seeing 4 people on top of the rooftop of Glorietta, well I decided to go home and do my job there instead of teasing death to take me.

I was sleepy and tired when I reached home but I still did my job. At around 12nn, I logged off the computer, typed my report, ate lunch and went to bed. I need more sleep than the 2hours I had that day since the night before, I stayed with my barkada at Kate's

place because we already heard from Alex that there is a coup attempt. So, my friends in fear of me going home on my own, told me to come with them. I had fun that night even though the reason why I was there was because of the coup attempt. Though I really need sleep badly.

Anyway, I was sleeping when one of my high school friends texted me. When he didn't get an answer quickly, he decided to call me and told me that he and Lea was on their way to SM Southmall and they want to hang out. I told them that I needed sleep. I told them I was tired and that I only had 2 hours of sleep the night before. He just said, "Basta, bumangon ka na dyan at nasa Casimiro na kami." I ignored his remark and went back to sleep only to wake up again 15 minutes later because Lea called and said that they were already in Southmall. She told me that the whole group was there and was expecting me to get there as soon as possible as well. I again explained that I really needed sleep. But she insisted of me coming because everyone was there and gave names of some people who were supposedly there already. I said to give me five minutes to decide and wake myself up in which she just laughed. I tried calling some friends who were supposedly there already only to find out that they didn't even get a call from Lea and Rocky. I was really pissed off after I heard that. I sent and SMS message to them saying that I can't go because I'm really tired and I wasn't allowed to go out of the house.

Now I find myself comparing friends. On the one side, people who I just met during last 2 years in college and on the other side my highschool friends who were with me in my choir days in fourth year high school. The funny thing is, the people who knows me more are the people who I am with for a shorter time. Jay only need to look at me to know that there is something wrong. While Lea would still be clueless to what I feel eventhough the voice indicates that I'm already annoyed or pissed off already.

I guess I know who my real friends are. The length of time that you know them isn't the indicator whether or not they are the best people to be with or not. With my high school friends, there would always be a hidden agenda if they help me out with something. They wouldn't call, text, email or even say hi in the Yahoo Messenger. Countless times I have tried to get us together and they would always have an excuse not to go. But they expect me to be there at their beckon call if they were the ones who's asking for a get together. When I needed someone to talk to, they wouldn't be there for me. I guess they were the reason why I am still having a hard time opening up to Jay, Kate and the others. No one was there to listen to me back in highschool since my best friend left the country during those times. And if they did listen to me, they would find someway to make it about them. Lea is notorious for that. When I try to tell her something, she would cut me off and tell something about her problems and trouble. I would end up cheering her up in the end.

But the worst insult that I got from them was when they told me that RPG was just a waste of time. It was something very childish and I should just hang out with them than me going to Greenbelt and play. I guess that made up my mind of who I really want to call my friends.

I don't know. I guess that made me fed up with them. I mean, if they're my real friends, even if they don't appreciate playing RPG the least they can do was just respect my decision.

Well, I guess that I know who my real friends are. I only regret finding it out just recently when the fact is that since first year in college, I know that I have friends in Jay, Becca, Kate and the rest of the people in the tambayan. All the indicators were there but I was just ignoring it. Something bad has to happen to me first before I realize what was there all along.

I apologize to my friends (JAY, KATE, NICCO, BECCA, GLENN, ARMAND, VICTOR, VINCE, SASHA, ZSAR, GINO, CARL, JANSSEN, CHRISTINE DALLAND, ADRIAN, ELLIE, ALEX, CHRISTINE and LENARD). You guys have been very good to me and I just turned a blind eye just until recently. I hope you can forgive me for being blind. I promise to be a better friend to you this time around.