I think I'm in Trouble...

I just found out last Friday that I might not get my old job back. Well, I'm also considering of resigning if I have another place to go to. But as of the moment, I really don't know where to go. I really need to think things through a lot because of the condition that I have. Where I work at the moment is very stressful. But this is the only job I know (except for where my friend Leonard is right now) that allows you to talk to the highest boss there is and just hang out with the guy. There is no dress code and you get to be who you want to be. I do get stressed...God knows how I get stressed but if I do go away, I will be in a company that you wouldn't be able to just knock on your boss' door and tell him that the office sucks. I would be in a company that's really bent on getting you to work more and not get anything for it. I would be in a company that's so stiff, you'll think everybody is frozen. And I don't want to work for that kind of company.

As much as possible the company (even just the environment) would still be more or less fun. I see that in the company where my friend Leonard works. But I have to wait until October to actually be there. Anyway, I will have to wait patiently for that move. It's not that far away anyway, it's already April. Six months more and I'll be able to move.

But here at present. I think I'm in trouble...well, I'm actually more concerned for my officemate. I saved some chat messages from my officemates in my computer. Some of the conversations there were really more or less ranting against the company. Quite frankly it was my mistake to actually save them in the first place but I did not save these conversations to plot against them...well, not entirely...but I saved them because I wanted to attempt to write a story that has conspiracies and stuffs and our present ranting is really helping me develop the plot of it. But I'm really afraid that because of the company might think about it in some other way.

That was indeed a stupid move on my part to save it. But I never thought that it would be a point against me because with all the rants that I have been doing, I still work for them and I am still doing my best to fix whatever it is that needs to be fixed. If I get into trouble because of this, I'll pay for the consequences but I'm more worried about my officemate and friend whom I have been talking to most about all this. And I'm really scared that it might affect his clearance when he's going to leave already. And I don't want that to happened. It's really not fair for him since I was the one who saved our conversations in the first place because it was so good a plot to not make into a nice story.

I honestly feel guilty right now. I hope that I don't get my friend in trouble because of this. I myself am willing to pay the consequences for it but my friend doesn't even know I'm saving our chats. I feel so stupid for saving it up in my computer because even though it's not really something against the company that I'm working for, it really gives a bad impression on both me and my officemate.

I feel stupid and dumb and would like to crawl into a hole and lie there until the next century. I have a lot of problems lately and I really don't need this to add to it.