Regrets

Last Sunday, I took the Civil Service Exam. This exam, if I pass, will allow me to work in the Government...plus it's also good in the resume. This is a time in my life that I have regretted not taking the test sooner.

When I was more or less a fresh grad, I also applied to take the Civil Service Exam. On the day that I was supposedly taking the test, it was raining hard. With no car and no idea where the exam was, I just slept through the day, the test forgotten. Never to be heard from again. Wasting P250 in the process. Then here I was, a couple of years later, banging my head on the wall because of that day when I slept through the exam day. If I had braved through the rain and took that test, I wouldn't be having problems now.

Like I said, I took the test last Sunday. And I have never felt so stupid in my life. The test was honestly, fairly easy. Grammar, vocabulary, a little math and knowledge of the Philippine Constitution...to name a few of the topics. Easy enough...or so I thought. You were given three hours to take the test. The schedule was from 8am - 11am. What usually would just take me an hour to finish took me almost the whole three hours to do. I was wracking my brains to think of the right answers to fairly easy questions (all except for the math part since I really suck at math...especially fractions which they have tons of), and by the end of that almost three hours I wasn't sure of most of my answers. I really have this sickening feeling that I wouldn't be able to pass.

During the exam, the thoughts running through my mind were: "Huh?" "Come again?" "What?" "Is this even a question?" "Holy sh*t! I don't know this!". I was panicking. And I never panic when I take exams, not even during finals week back in college. When everyone in our tambayan were opening text books and notes to review for the exam, I was reading a pocket book, only opening my notes 10 minutes before the exam itself. But last Sunday, I thought that I was the most stupid person in the world because I have to read every question three times before I actually try to answer.

Hence, the regret. If I had taken the exam years before, I know that I would be singing a different tune. I know I would have been more confident in answering those questions and I wouldn't be writing here right now banging my head on the keyboard for something that as trivial as this.

So, lesson learned. I guess it's time to move on.