Hurting

There's this big weight that I carry right now and honestly it's one burden that I really don't know if I should even be taking. It's not easy to do and I honestly have no hold of the people around me to do this in the first place.

The only thing I can really do is hope and trust that things will become clear.

As I can see it, there are more people here who I see are agreeing with me. I don't see the point of dawdling at all but the thing is, they are right by waiting. They have a strong point that we need to gather as much evidence as we can so that we can actually accomplish what we need to accomplish here.

Honestly, I'm torn. One because, not all of them are bad people. There are still some there who actually do their jobs and actually make things better for everyone. It's just this thing that's hanging over all our heads that biting us. I'm torn because, if we don't pull this off right, all of the people I hold dear in that office will suffer, and me with them. I'm really afraid that if we do this and we don't make this right, I might end up jobless and I really don't think that there would be other companies who would be willing to hire me after this.

I feel so helpless. And confused. Torn between the people who pays me and the people who are the real reason I'm still there.

The pain in my heart (both literally and methaphoricly) is really aching and it's aching like hell. It's like one huge hand is crushing it as I type this. But as I've said in my previous blog, I will not falter..even unto my death I will fight for these people.

Hurting...i am really hurting right now. I just want to get this over with. Maybe, just maybe if everything is alright, I might breathe easily.