Another year has come and gone. 2004 has been a very emotional ride for me. I have gone through a lot last year and I'm sure that the rollercoaster ride wouldn't stop at 2004. 2005 I'm sure would be a lot more.
With everything that has happened to me last year: finding out who my real friends are, reaching a goal that I have long been dreaming, the sucky love life, a revelation that until now I'm still trying to accept and so many other experiences that I had gone through, it has made me a better (or worse) person. A lot of the challenges were really tough. Some of them has tried time and again to break me. Others almost succeeded but thankfully I am the one who was left standing.
This year, I had vowed to be tougher than ever. Call it a New Year's resolution...call it a general resolution...call it whatever, this year will be another roller coaster ride for me as I will be battling out with so many things yet again. Fighting for job stability, fighting for my goals and dream and of course, fighting for my life. The biggest challenge for me right now is to just fight for survival, not because of the corporate jungle that I am in right now (because this I can manage) but try to keep myself alive, literally. So far, I'm gaining the upper hand. But everyday is a struggle, everyday a challenge, everyday I'm thankful that I can still wake up in the morning and I can move, everyday a fight to keep me going, everyday trying to keep me sane.
For the passed few months since I've started my battle, I have been thinking that maybe, I wasn't meant to be with someone. Though I have dreamed of being with a special person who will love me and cherish me the way my friends have with their significant other, I come to think that maybe it wasn't meant to be. So as not to hurt the one I love if I leave him, I am destined to be alone. I am never really meant experience the kind of love that I see my friends share with thier "babe", "honey", "mahal" or "Teddy". Because if I did love someone and they love me back, it would be painful for both of us if I suddenly leave.
This feels so "A Walk to Remember..." like. With me as Jamie but no Landon. I was hoping there was a Landon in my story but oh well, I guess it would be better that there isn't anyone there. I wish there was though, but then again as I think about the above mention scenarios maybe it's alright not to have someone there.
The start of the year and already I have mixed emotions. If I live through the year, this will be another emotional roller coaster ride. But heck, I'm up to it! As Robin Williams said in "Dead Poet Society", "Seize the Day!" And seize the day I shall, for tomorrow might never come. =)
No comments:
Post a Comment