Letting My Voice Out

Sometimes, I have this feeling that the whole world is against me. Last Wednesday was probably one of those days when all I wanted was to crawl in a corner and just stay there until the world ends. While all I could do was hide in the corner of our pantry and cry, I wasn't successful in trying to hide and be left alone in my misery. Last Wednesday was just one of those days that I wanted to feel miserable.

Why you may ask? Well, its just the realization of my work being just half-baked.

When I started my writing career, I know that there would be a lot of challenges before I can actually be called a real professional. I know that I will be criticised left and right before i could get things right. I thought that I can handle the criticisms. Now, I'm not so sure. Close friends know how much I wanted to become a writer. They also know how happy I was when I was given the opportunity to write, even if its just something sort...just as long as i get published and see my name on paper and people gets to read it, I was fine.

I didn't realize until just recently how I've become negligent. Its already established that I have the talent, but then I forgot stage 2...honing that talent.

Honestly, right now I feel stupid. I'm frustrated with myslef because of my negligence. Instead of moving forward, I found myself stepping back. I was so caught up with getting my name on paper and getting people to notice me that I forgot the most important thing...writing my best.

Right now my writing job is on the line. Right now, I find myself scared out of my wits because I might lose this opportunity. I might lose that one thing that made me special..that made me different from my relatives...my edge over my friends. The one thing that made me who I am.

People tell me taht I ahve better opportunities if ever I lose this one. They can't seem to understand that I would rather lose my day job (may main source of income) than lose my writing job. I know that it doesn't pay the bills but I'll keep that any day. But because of this, I might lose it...and it scares me.

Honestly, I don't blame my editor. he's just helping me down the right path. But it doesn't stop the realization from hitting me like a block of ice and making me see that I still lack a lot before I can honestly say that I am a writer.

So now, since that's out in the open, I'd better start re-writing my article...