Wandering

Right when I found a new friend, fate takes a step forward and takes him away.

I had always known that life was never fair. I had always had this inkling that try as I might to find a happy place, it will be taken away like a snap of a finger.

My only light in the dark tunnel. My one true joy in a place full of sorrow. My anchor in a tumultuous sea. The inspiration that brought my muse back to me. He will be taken away.

Right now, I feel numb. I don't know how to react anymore. I feel like I'm surrounded by dementors and they're draining all the happiness away.

I thought I could handle it. I wasn't suppose to become close. I wasn't suppose to feel something that I know won't last. But I stepped on the boundary. I found myself getting close. Now the time has come for him to depart and I'm not ready. I find myself clinging, not wanting to let go. Trying to hold on to a dream that would never be a real.

Hope...a word that is so alien to me right now.

I find myself swimming in hopelessness. Not wanting to get up and move on. Fear that the cycle would continue.

All I could do is look as he departs. Wave goodbye and forever be forgotten in the pages of his life...never to be opened again.

With him goes my muse.

I am yet again in complete darkness. In a tumultuous sea without an anchor. A life of sorrow. A museless life. I shut my eyes to the world that has forsaken me.

I'm afraid now. Afraid that if I open my eyes and see a light, it might be taken away from me again. Afraid that the next anchor to be cast would fall into the sea and never return too. Afraid to get back on the horse after the many fall. Afraid to be happy, for fear that sadness would soon follow.

I'm in a void now. Floating aimlessly. I don't know where to go and who to turn to. Should I risk opening my eyes once more?

Okay...yes, I'm being emo right now...bear with me please, it's a stage.