There was an article in the Philippine Daily Inquirer concerning burnout. The writer was still in school and was trying to find out what's wrong with her since she knows that it wasn't stress. After reading the whole article, it got me thinking...I had suffered from burnout as well.
Working for the gaming industry might make you think that it's all games and fun and it's a very "stressless" job that college students right now would want to be a Game Master once they've graduated from college because they think that it's a dream job. Well, I can say that they are very wrong.
Working for a gaming company is really stressful, especially when you're in the Marketing and the Customer Support depart. It's the ongoing battle of weighing down the right and wrong, whether we either uphold the rules that we placed or make leeway so that there would be more players coming in. It would also drain your creative juices for you need to think of different events both inside and outside of the game so that players would not get bored playing the same thing over and over again...I mean, if all I do is one particular activity in a game that I pay every month, it would be best to just invest on a console game. So, thinking of different activities for the players is very important to ensure that they keep playing.
In the gaming industry, you would encounter irate players who would test your patience and knowledge of the game. You would be forever battling with stupidity, stubborn people and know-it-alls...and these are not just players but your co-workers as well. You feel like a warrior getting ready for battle every since waking moment of your life.
Sometimes, to get the job done you need to stay longer than what is necessary to ensure that the particular event that you are running will be running smoothly.
So, during my last stint in the gaming industry, I found myself slowly dipping. My work ethic which had always been spotless has had multiple stains in it that would never be taken out. The months rolled on and I found that I had stopped smiling and I kept to myself in the latter stages of my stay in that company. Going to the office was a chore that I didn't like doing.
And the worst part of it all that had made me cry one night was the fact that I couldn't write. Try as I might to get into the writing mood, I couldn't. That time, I couldn't even write a decent email. An EMAIL!!! Something as simple as writing a reply has become such a difficult task for me! Productivity was very low and the person who I talk to often to help me lighten my load left the company already. When I attempted to open up to the other people who were still there, I was cut off from my explanation with a remark "That's not an excuse." So, I cried. But even after crying, which usually helps me de-stress, hasn't help me. I still felt empty and it made me more depress.
The latter part of my stay, I really felt all alone. I couldn't write, my productivity is low and I didn't have anyone to talk to to help me realize that what I have been feeling was burnout. Too much stress, working overtime almost everyday, meetings one after another and back-stabbing officemates has taken it's toll on me and I was heading for self-destruction. I was a zombie with a time-bomb ready to explode.
Until I saw a light at the end of the tunnel represented by retrenchment.
At first, when I found out that I was one of the people they were letting go because of financial difficulties in the company, I was hurt. Different thoughts were running through my head like "Why me of all people?", "Is it because I usually go home at exactly 6pm and don't want to stay for meetings that would take up the whole evening?", or "Is it because they know that I'm bored with our game that I don't even play it?". But after the initial shock, I found myself relaxing and beginning to start smiling again.
The last few weeks of my stay people found me "glowing", asking me if I finally have a love-life. I couldn't really answer that it's because I'm finally crawling out of a hell hole that I had dug up once again. Seeing a bright light at the end of the tunnel and feeling the cool clean air touch my cheeks. Once I was out, I was breathing again. And recuperating has been a top priority for me.
I didn't realize that de-stressing is a long process. Even months after my last stint, I still feel the stress relating to the previous work that I had. I'm glad I'm out of it but the experience is, as the whole, something that had scarred me for life. I mean, I was never burned out in school, so this experience really scared me.
At the moment, I'm still recuperating. I guess, I can finally say that I'm "cured" from burn out when I can finally take up a pen and start writing stories again. I have a lot of pending projects just waiting for me patiently until I'm really up to it again.
Am I really ready to join the work force again? Honestly, I don't know. But I guess, working again, this time in a different industry would help me get passed the trauma that I had experience. Maybe going into a different industry would help me heal faster. But in the meantime, while looking, I'll just enjoy the peace and quiet of home with my family.
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