Rantings of a Lonely Little Wolf

This has not been a very good week for me. I have botched work one after another. And I have this strangest feeling that people in my office think me incompetent.

Honestly speaking, I really hate this feeling. Whenever I work, I have prided myself for being organized and always on schedule with the things that I do. I have never been this much of a mess. And the worse part of it is that it affects the people around me.

My previous blog mentioned how unhappy I am with where I am right now. I guess that unhappiness is causing me unnecessary stress. But I really do hate the feeling that I have right now. It's really not like me to be so scattered at work when I was used to having a checklist all the time.

I've come to realize that where I am right now is not my world. I feel like an alien there. I have been working there for 4 months now and I should have gotten used to working there. But I'm not. It's not like me to be this slow on the uptake but that's what's going on with me at the moment. I couldn't cope. I'm not assimilating like I always do. And I haven't opened up to any of my office mates. I feel like I'm a bee who was separated from the hive and found a different hive where the other bees are all in synced except for me.

I know I'm not doing very well at work. Though, I am doing my best to do the job that was assigned to me. But I have been making one mistake after another and it's bothering me alot that I haven't improved.

And worst of all, I haven't written anything! I took this job in hopes that I have time to sit back and write but damn it! It's not happening! I haven't opened any old notebook with pending stories. I haven't scribbled a new idea for a story or a book. I haven't had any time to edit my old works. I haven't written a decent blog in months. And what do I have to show for my lack of writing time? A disgruntled employee who only goes to work screaming in her mind that she feels like she's in a prison.

I have reached hell. No friends. No support. No writing done. ("No friends. No support." only pertains to the people in the office. It does not include the people who I consider friends outside of that hell hole). Yup, I am indeed in hell with no clear view of redemption.

I WANT OUT!!! I'M SUFFOCATING! AND I WANT TO BREATHE AGAIN!

I hate my work life right now.

Note to my parents (yes, they read this): No. I'm not resigning...Not yet anyway...