Lonely Me

I have never felt so lonely in my life.

And my current unemployment state doesn't really help me with my self-esteem issue too. And here I am waiting for the call that would never come. Always going to interviews but never a call back...such is my current life and it really sucks. The trauma that I had during my CAI-Asia days is still etch in me that I still feel like the stupid person they'd made me feel I was. Although I know that it's not true...still, it creeps out from the back of my mind that it was the one company that I have failed miserably to adapt into. And I guess it shows with every job interview.

Sigh...this is becoming a series of ranting blog entries that it is becoming one emo blog. But right now, I feel that I'm at my lowest and to go lower than this would be scary. It doesn't help that I feel like my own family abandoned me.

Is it really too much to ask for them to give me a text message when they saw that I wasn't online anymore? What's P25 a text to tell me to go back online if they really wanted me there? Is it really too much to ask for a little attention? Every night I waited for my family to go online so that I could just see them even for a little while. Even if I don't talk to them...just see them would have been enough to me. Just too feel that I was not forgotten. Just to feel that they're still there...that even if I am the current disappointment, that they haven't given up on me. Just once to let me feel that they haven't abandon me.

Is it really too much to ask from the people who are my family? I really feel that I am being left out in the world, to feel that with my own family is really just too much for me to handle.

I'm just too tired of showing the world that I'm okay because I'm not. I feel so all alone and all I ask right now is for the warm smile of my family who would scold me and tell me that I'm just over reacting...so that I can feel that I'm still fine...just to know that to them, I still exist.

Over-thinking? Maybe I am. Over-reacting? Yeah...I guess so too. It might even be the birthday blues. But right now, I'm just too tired and I really just want to let this all out and more or less scream to the whole world that life is never fair for me.