At My Wits End...

This is one of those days when I want to look up to the heavens and scream, "WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS?!?" "WHAT HAVE I DONE SO WRONG THAT I AM BEING PUNISHED?" "WILL I EVER ACTUALLY REDEEM MYSELF FROM WHATEVER WRONG I'VE DONE?"

Yes, the Little Wolf is ranting again. I'm just in this small place where I feel like I have disappointed everyone that means so much to me. I'm just in this state of mind where all I could see is one mistake after another and the people who surrounds me right now isn't really helping me in eliviating that feeling.

I feel like ever since I was the one who was managing our home, I haven't done anything right in the eyes of my family. My father hasn't stopped complaining ever since he got home from a long stint abroad and my mother has been so meticulous that I feel like I'm going to get scolded for a figurine not aligned properly. My grand mother is no better because she made me look like to my parents that I wasn't taking care of her properly. And my younger brother just doesn't care.

I felt like I have disappointed my older sister the m ost. She left the house for me to manage and I'm not really doing a good job at it. I feel so tired all the time and it's not because I lack sleep. I could run on 3hours of sleep without any problem, but these days I get the needed 6hours and I still feel tired. I can't breathe properly and I just feel so alone.

I guess I'm just tired. If life is like a wheel then my wheel must have jammed leaving me at the bottom...I think it's already three years that it hasn't really moved.

I'm ranting...I know I am. I'm over thinking...I think that too. But I really just need to get this out of my chest. Like I said, if I could only scream to the heavens...

But this is real life and I have to get the most out of it. I still believe that there's a silver lining somewhere that I haven't seen yet but I know it's there...it has to be. I guess I just need to keep sucking it a bit more.