Sunday, January 29, 2017


Recently I have been suffering from depression.  It's not something that just popped into my life but has gradually been inching it's way into my psyche that eventually won over.

People would wonder why I have depression. I have a loving family and a group of friends who are always there for me.  But I recently realize that having that type of support group doesn't stop you from getting depressed.  They help with the suppressing but the depression would still seep in, getting into you system like a deadly virus.  And that's what it is. A virus.

I can't recall when it started.  All I could remember is that, recently I have been feeling a deep sense of loneliness and abandonment, even though I am surrounded by people and interacting with them.  But it's there, slowly crawling into your system and clutching on tightly, never wanting to let go. And unfortunately, it stayed and took up residency.

I think I've had it before.  I just have an outlet that helped me in coping with it on a daily basis.  But recently, the coping mechanism isn't there so I find myself during idle moments, thinking and worrying until finally, morbid thoughts would come in and would haunt my mind and heart.  There would be no escaping that until I could find an outlet to let the negativity out.  It was easy before, delving on work and doing my job as best I could but since my recent unemployment, it just got hard to cope.  And I find myself in these idle moments that swallows me up and I find myself suffocating.

Depression isn't easy.  And a lot people don't understand what we're going through.  So many who doesn't would just look at us and say that we're just being overly dramatic or needed attention.  But it's not.  The feeling of loneliness, the feeling of losing your self worth, the feeling of abandonment will always be there, eating you up inside and it would cling to you like a vise.

I cope with depression everyday.  I just do my best to find something to smile about.  Trying to see the bright side of things isn't easy but we do our best. We want to see the bright side, we want to be part of the sunshine.  But we do need help.

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