It Keeps Getting Worse

Honestly speaking, if I don’t get a new job sometime before June, I swear I’m going to burst! I don’t know how long I will take this. It’s not anymore because it’s really far from home, it’s the realization that I’m not happy anymore.

People who keeps working just because of the money even though they really don’t like the job I honestly have great respect. I honestly couldn’t handle that. I need a job I would like and I would end up retiring to even though the pay’s not good. At least I know I enjoyed every moment of it.

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to me if I took the admin assistant job in Abbot. Would I also regret it the way I’m regretting it right now? The reason why I chose this job over Abbot is because the job in Abbot was only for a month. It still wasn’t sure whether I would be extended or not. Now I’m actually thinking whether I should have gotten that job instead of this job that I have right now. It’s not that the job is hard but I hate making phone calls, there’s no pleasing my boss. My job is clerical work most of the time but still she insist that it’s an assistant’s job. When I try to make the initiative, she tells me to let know first. If I don’t make the initiative, she tells me that I need to have initiative to work even when she’s not looking. I am so confused right now that I don’t know what to do.

I used to say that I want to complete my contract here. I want to finish it so that it would be good on my resume. At least, that would be another good point in my resume. I only lasted a month in Citibank, my first real job after I graduate. My two year contract with ING Life was more or less non-existent because it’s a commission based job so I guess it doesn’t count. I got retrenched in Asian Call Centres, which was a big regret because I was really getting the hang of things and I was promised a position in the operations already. Besides, our bosses there are really nice people. We can actually go to them for help and everything.

I honestly wonder why I ended up here. No one pays attention to me. Nobody takes me seriously. I hate making phone calls because I end up being humiliated all the time. I was promised that I will go out to take photographs but it’s been six months already and I still yet to go out for that assignment…

Wow, train of thoughts does help me in realizing things. I know the reason why now. I was promised that I would go out once a month to take photographs. That got me interested in the job. But as I’ve said, it has already been six months and I’m stuck here, sharing the internet with my boss and getting scold at one after another because of very contradicting things.

Honestly I wouldn’t mind the distance if it’s honestly worthwhile to do. I see myself dragging out of bed, forcing myself to go to the office to get the job done. But I see myself slacking off as much as possible (I’m slacking off as I type this). Why can’t I get a job that was like Kids At Work. That job was really great. I regretted ending my contract there. The people were wonderful, and I enjoyed every moment of it. I wake up each morning excited, like I’m excited every Saturday for a good RPG game. I go there even if I’m not on duty. I kept on asking for a schedule even if it’s already fixed.

I want to feel that again. I want to experience that excitement. I want to wake up eager to go to the office and anticipate another exciting day.

Hohum…looks like I’ll be stuck here, if I don’t get fired before that.

What can I say, life’s a bitch!