Musings While I Wait

I have been working for about three months now and I guess I'm really starting to get the hang of working in the office again.  It's getting better.  And I have been getting a lot more responsibilities now than when I first started again and I guess, the feeling is really great.  To know that the guys up there really listens to your suggestions and they consider them.

I feel a bit lucky that so far, I haven't really messed up yet.  And I am really not looking forward to that day when they would tell me that what I have done isn't good at all.

I guess going back into this industry, that's what I really fear the most.

I have been on the receiving end of people telling me that my work isn't good enough and that really isn't a good feeling.  The feeling of worthlessness is heavy and you are left to wonder why.  That feeling that what more can you do when you know that you have done everything in your power to do so and yet it isn't enough to please the people around  you.  What really hurt is the fact that you know that you have given your all and yet, in the eyes of others you didn't do anything at all.

I really hate that feeling.  And right now, I told myself never to feel that as much as I can.  I have proved time and again that I can excel and so far, I have proven my worth one too many times.  I just  hope that I won't falter.  Everyday, I have to be on a mindset that I will give my best and I will make them see that they were right to get me.  I cannot let them think otherwise.

So, here I am waiting for an assignment that might take me the whole night to finish.  But at the end of the day, I know that I will have a smile on my face because I've done a good job.